Negative one

Hahah suddenly thought of I got a blog at this sad moment aka homesick moment. Dont know what to post or can be say as I got too much to say just I couldnt type it all out if not I m gonna cry like hell with nobody aside me. Its creepy haha! Just came back from Genting with family which is a hard way for me to get through with separating with families everytime after we met hehe. Papa is always so good he said he wouldnt had came if I was not going coz he thought of I would be all alone if he dnt came up but then both sis following at the end. Couldnt say that that was a happy trip coz mom lose RM1000 hahaha which is not her style whenever he go Genting. I cried since I got back Cyber, I try  not to let parents know but I dont think I can hold up that promise coz there is nobody for me to cry at. Even Fang, I feel so ashamed eveytime I cry in front of her or parents. I should hav grow up, I m 19 years old alrd. Its the age that make parents feel that their kid is mature enough. 老怀安慰should be the feels but not worry bout me all the time. Plan many things just to come here meet me to make sure I could get through and got ppl accompany aside. Haha Wat a shame right? Everybody could survive alone but why not me? I m such a loser 呵呵 Its alrd second sem and its gonna end soon but I am still couldnt used to the environment and conquer the homesickness. Actually I can, I know I can just the way how I see the situation I m having. It should be happy enjoying the alone time without anybody interrupting, typing blog with tears on face haha, eat junk foods but why my mind want to think bout those negative things leh? I wonder Hmmmm. I have to study leh, mid term, assignments, presentation, I must do those things at my best. I have been wasted so many time so many opportunities. Its the time to get the glory back. Fang, I dnt 胡思乱想 u know? Just the tears I am never ever to control them. I am sorry :"( I tried to focus, to concentrate. But positive thinking never comes, I think I know what's the problem just I dont know how to settle it. I dont like the feel of separation, I would be so down when I need to separate with mommy daddy again again again again again and again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have been promised that I wouldnt hav cry anymore, would be grow up le but I never did. Daddy always asked : grow up le ya. I always answered : yup! That yup doesnt true dad, how much I wish u and mommy can know I m still suffering but I would do that, I dont want my immature attitude brings any worry-ness to u and mommy. So, I keep it to myself, study at here never makes me happy. Yea I can wear a mask while I am in front of others people, pretending I am blessed, blessed that parents always come to visit me, parents bought a house here for me. But in deep of my heart I hope that u and mommy dont always come coz everytime u guys came I need to suffer again the feels of separation, I hope that the house doesnt exist so that u and mommy sisters could hav a wealthier life. But i m also always so conflict. I wish to see u and mommy i wish to hav better environment that can cure my homesickness but at the end am also not sure that would work. I m not the type of ppl that know myself well, 我就只会哭 哭饱了再哭 就这样 I am loser all the way, Never be a winner, a winner with glory. It sucks! I can feel daddy feels my unhappiness. I would lik to share with also dad but I couldnt, my intuitive told me I should hav get through all this all by myself. I hav to grow up! I MUST! I love you papa mama. I know u guys know that too. But there would be so many different ways of love. I pick my ways, hope u guys support me on that. Thank you for always being there for me. Help me get through all of this. I LOVE U!